


On another love

by AntisocailIntrovert



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-23
Updated: 2019-12-23
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:13:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21923473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AntisocailIntrovert/pseuds/AntisocailIntrovert
Summary: Dan accidentally hurts Phil11.34 pm 29/11/19Screams, shouts and tears. The noises come crashing down from the apartment. All the neighbours can hear, hear the crashing and smashing of glass. The tables turned, this time it was Dan. And it was much worse. How did you want the ending to end?Beta creds: phinalphantasy7 (tumblr)
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 9
Kudos: 9
Collections: Phandom Fic Fests Holiday Exchange 2019





	On another love

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lovestillaround](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovestillaround/gifts).



> Dan accidentally hurts Phil  
> Admittedly I don’t always listen to this song but one of my friends recommended it and honestly, I fell in love with it. So this fic is based around the song, another love - Tom Odell. The whole fic may feel dreamy and in a different dimension, if you have any questions about me or my writing just message me :) , I hope you enjoy this. another love - Tom Odell  
> Fic for: lovestillaround (ao3)  
> Beta creds: phinalphantasy7 (tumblr)  
> for PFF

**_11.34 pm 29/11/19_ **

Screams, shouts and tears. The noises come crashing down from the apartment. All the neighbours can hear, hear the crashing and smashing of glass. The tables turned, this time it was Dan. And it was much worse. 

_ All my tears have been used up on another love  _

The packing of things, doors purposely slamming and the wails of pain could be heard. It was enough to wake the whole city of London. It was sad, over-dramatic and definitely Dan and Phil. Nothing else described the pain of both of them so much but that one sentence.

He didn’t want to believe it’s true, he didn’t want to think it’s true. He didn’t even want to think about it. 

_ I wanna fall in love _

But how could you fall in love if it hurts so much to do so? Dan had his reasons and so did Phil.

“This was bound to fail!”

“Don’t say that”

“But it’s true isn’t it every time every time”

“ _ All my tears have been used up _ ” 

“Don’t be like this”

“Please, leave me alone”

The front door slams, rudely awakening the surrounding neighbours at 1 am. It was dark cold and winter. He could feel the ice in the air. And his dismal sighs added to the bitterness of the world. He could feel the fresh cuts and bruises on his hands from when the glass vase got thrown over. That they made jokes about when he drank out of it. From when he hit the door out of anger, he could still feel the burning of his fingers. The only thing keeping him warm in this bleak bleak night.

He had nowhere to go. Dan had left him with almost no friends. It was so miserable, everything about tonight was miserable. 

The pain of losing someone can be more painful than literally dying a hundred times over. And it never ends. The pain builds up until it’s a mountain impossible to climb anymore. A mountain that nobody can climb because the sadness takes over and any brave climber gets washed away. It's that powerful. 

Dan, on the other hand, wasn’t having a good time at their home. Alone in a place where it just didn’t feel right not having a bright person next to him. But what else would have he done? He tried to protect Phil and all that happened was that he hurt him. Dan had a hole to fill, a gap in the apartment where Phil used to sit. Dan wondered if he’d ever come back this time. That was the worst thing, he may never actually come back.

The lounge was cold and lonely. Nothing seemed to go right. Dan questioned a lot about what he did, not really knowing why he did what he did. The story is kind of simple really. I guess you want to know? 

Dan was jealous, the fact that Phil had so many friends and he didn’t. Dan was also scared that Phil was going to leave him for one of his “better” friends. Which all in all Dan wouldn’t blame him. Because this hadn’t been the first time Dan had hurt Phil accidentally. It was something that happened far too often. Sometimes it was simple as Dan telling Phil not to go somewhere.

Dan wasn’t aware that he hurt Phil for so long, he wanted to protect him and not lose him. He means the world to him. It’s sad to think about the dynamic duo not together, not living the life they should be, not enjoying every little day together. 

The last event pushed Phil to the edge where these last events took place. Dan had told Phil that he couldn’t go out and see Chris, even though Dan knew it was a friendly meet-up at 11 pm. Dan worried though, he didn’t want Phil to get hurt. Subconsciously, he told him “no” time and time again. Acting like he owned Phil or he was his mother. How was this right? 

Dan just loved him too much to let him go.

Dan cries for hours when Phil leaves because he begins to believe that Phil is hooked on  _ another love _ and that’s what Dan’s tears get wasted on,  _ another love.  _ None of this is fair, Dan cries out each time he leaves. He is delusional within his own mind, it’s the worst. 

Never once did Dan ask Phil how does it feel to be you? 

**_10.23 am 12/8/18_ **

_ I bought you daffodils _

_ I wanna kiss you and make you feel alright _

Summer, that year was especially hot. Everyone had tan lines. The sun naturally made you happier, feeling brighter and better, causing fewer fallouts and more friendships to be made. Times to be changed for the better.

Dan walked in hand with Phil, they smiled happily. The heat is really getting to both of them. The UK was never known for its hot temperatures but this year oddly it was warmer than ever. The sun blazed down onto their backs, causing red lines to be made where their shirts didn't cover.

The heat wasn't the only thing warm, the sheer feeling of being with each other made them happy, fuzzy and warm. Wasn't it so sweet?

If Chris had not hung with them that summer maybe things now would be different? Who knows.

They all were meeting in the Starbucks near them, middle of London mind you. At first, everything was so nice and they were all talking and chatting as friends did. Phil was having so much fun, his face hurt with laughter whereas Dan's face hurt due to his solemn frown. Chris started to look awkward realising he may be getting too close to Phil, even though he knew Phil was with Dan. 

“Hey look sorry I've got to go.”

The lamest excuse was used, despite the sun and the happiness it's meant to bring. All it seemed to do was bring sadness and disappointment. Dan looked pleased with himself and Phil was shocked, worried he'd done something wrong and upset Chris to make him leave all of a sudden.

“Don't worry Phil, you've done nothing he's just in a flap I suppose, I guess it's the hot weather.”

“I just feel like I've done something wrong.”

_ I wanna kiss you and make you feel alright _

Phil didn't realise what Dan had done, Phil didn't see it.

Dan held Phil’s hand as Phil thought about what he'd done and worked himself up, thinking he's a bad friend. He cried a few tears into Dan's shoulder. He was a sensitive boy. Dan felt he had to protect him. He was worried about him. He didn't want to lose him.

So that's why he brought him daffodils, ordered them off a website from abroad. Phil's favourite, Dan imagined it would make Phil feel better.

He loved him so much and that was the problem.

**_11.56 pm 29/11/19_ **

Phil was still walking, he had no intention of where he was going. And Dan sat at home crying a melody of sadness, waiting for the sea of tears to dry away. But it never stopped. 

_ All my tears have been used up on another love _

But Dan didn't realise that all those times he cried when he thought he lost Phil, he would lose him for real this time. The fact that he cried and cried each time until Phil came home, was pathetic and also upsetting. As much as Dan could say he didn't want this to happen and he screamed for Phil to come back, Phil wasn't. It was too late. He’d used his tears mourning over the fact Phil loved one of his friends, but it never meant much. Only like friends love friends. Loving Dan was different, something so much more, something special. Phil didn't want what he had with Dan with anyone else. He loved him so much. 

But Phil had run out of emotions for the world.

Phil had given up all hope and all that he had left because to be honest, he had nothing left, apart from the smashed crumpled photo in his hand, a picture of him and Dan. he let it go, he let something be free even if he couldn't. He wanted this to work out. Dan said he was going to stop. 

Thoughts collected in his mind, sadness and death wandered over the depths of his brain. Was it an option or was it a desperate dramatic escape from the real world? What would most normal people do?

Phil had nobody and after years of his old friends beating him down (people’s words have a big impact on the mind), he was scared to ask for help from someone. He didn't want to do this. So why was he still trying to do this?

He was living for Dan but now is he really living.

Phil walked as far as his legs could, he'd given up and sat down on a bench sobbing tears into his hands, everything was over.

_ The boy was sitting on the bench tears streaming down his face. It was like a wave of sadness nothing could comprehend with it nothing could stop the overpowering sensation that consumed the air as it consumed him. What was the point he seemed to ask himself? He didn't understand that not everything had gone wrong. That a boy back home loved him very dearly he just didn't see it, the world was covered in a blanket to him, but it wasn't a soft blanket. One that was covered in pain and death, one that didn't let you go lightly, it wanted you to suffer. At the end of the day, these people were only boys, they had their whole life ahead of them still. Had marriages to make, more toothpaste kisses and sweet memories to make, more snuggling on the sofa and warm mugs of coffee, more times to be shared that would be cut short. _

**_11.12 am 12/3/18_ **

They lay in each other's arms wrapped up in a human blanket. It was warm and the outside was cold. They loved each other and Dan didn't want to move. He loved being right there with Phil. They had nothing to do today so literally nothing was stopping them from getting out of bed apart from personal hygiene. The warm kisses Phil gave Dan made mornings so much better. They made Mondays feel like Saturdays and Thursdays feel like Sundays. This was bliss, everything someone could’ve asked for. Neither of them wanted to change this moment. They wanted to stay here stuck in a void of happiness because if this was the afterlife they wanted to live this forever. Sure they wouldn’t be going to heaven but damn, hell might as well have been heaven. 

Dan rolls over sleepily wiping the dried sleep from his eyes. He had lines on his arm, showing he had slept well. Phil groaned as he felt Dan leaving the bed meaning a cold gust of air came gushing in under the covers. Dan laughed as he saw Phil’s face wrinkle up as he shoved his face under the covers, leaving only his puff of a quiff poking out the top. Phil began to drag himself out of bed as well. To greet Dan kindly with a small kiss on the cheek and a hug from behind. They both waddled over in this position to the bathroom where Dan began to brush his teeth. Smiling, as toothpaste dribbles down his chin and into the sink. Phil pretends to be manly by spraying himself with “MAN” body spray and tries to flex his muscles. Dan almost chokes on the toothpaste as he's trying not to laugh at Phil. 

“Hey, I’m just trying to be a MAN Daniel, something you’ll never understand.”

“I’m sure I’m more of a man than you are Phil, don’t lie to me.”

“Fine fine I’ll give you that.” 

Phil goes and tickles Dan, he screams while laughing, as I said before, they're just boys. 

The world was too harsh for them, too sudden too quick. 

_ They were wrapped up in another love  _

It was almost depressing how they took over each other’s lives, how the simplest of things they obsessed about. It was sad, the fact that no one else could see how they were dying to live for each other. How they wanted to spend every minute together. It hurts. 

Someone can get so wrapped up in someone's life if they see them with someone else they become jealous, angry and sad. Don't you just hate loving someone?

**_1.23 am 30/11/19_ **

Less than a month to Christmas, they'd both gotten presents for each other. Sentimental. Dan missed Phil. Was it because home wasn't the same without him, or that he was jealous he would go for another boy? Not everything can end happily. But Phil had no intention of going for someone else. Admittedly Dan was so jealous and wanted to spend every minute with Phil he never wanted to see him with someone else, and he cried when he knew he was with someone else. His stomach churned and turned as he waited anxiously for Phil to arrive home every time he'd been out on his own. Dan had no bad intentions, he just was overprotective.

Is this really how he wanted to carry on?

_ If somebody hurts you… ill be so fucking rude… I always lose _

**_The waves crashed. The lighthouse being crushed by the force, wearing the stained bricks of sadness down. It had a black mop of seaweed for hair. The plants no longer grew around it, they all were dead. Like the ones, he'd tried to keep in his house. The boy back home was lost and he couldn't find his way without the lighthouse. His thoughts were tangled like the curls on his head. The lighthouse remembered the good times. Walks in the park, laughing about vases even as they crashed and making youtube videos. Salty bitter water stung and scratched hard against the side of the lighthouse. He needed his levee but he'd let him down. And now the lighthouse was about to go down. First the top went, the guiding light went out. And the boy back home could tell as he couldn't see anything, his life went dim and his whole body sank, lower than it had ever gone before. The news got around as the lighthouse went under, suffocating in the bitter water. Waves gushing over its dead body, having no respect for what once was a beautiful life. The once good times vanished as the light went out, as everything crashed around and everything went down. Nothing existed anymore, it was a void that went on forever. The lighthouse was history and the boy back home had to suffer the consequences alone. He had nothing left, he was alone and cold. The word spread like a disease, it wasn't something nice, it was horrible, traumatising and some would say selfish. But sometimes the world is too painful, and we have to give up to save us from the mental pain._ **

_ All of my tears have been used up _

So this is how the story ends, the two boys split forever. Like I said nothing can last forever and all good things must come to an end. Sometimes the world is too much for people and I'm guessing that everyone can understand that.

Dan cries, cries so hard. He'd lost his best friend, his guiding light, and only in death would they meet again. May death do us part, what was the meaning of this anyway? He felt guilty for the death of his best friend. Like it was his fault, but could he have stopped it if he tried? Maybe in a different universe but this one was written to fail.

He feels as if the world hates him, one glimmer of hope comes through. A message, late almost like a timer.

  
  
  


**_1:35 am sent_ **

_ \---My hands have been broken one too many times. They always win but I know I'll lose. I wanna learn to love. But all my tears have been used up. On another love.  _ Our love. Because I loved you so much. And now I can't. I can't love you anymore. It's too dangerous, too hurtful to empower. I'd follow commands to make you happy. I was delusional, _ your tears will be used up,  _ you'll realise it wasn't you who pushed me to the edge. Don't come running it's too late my love. Take care of yourself and love someone else, our story was written like this. Don't be mad, it was meant to happen, so look after yourself darling. I'll see you again one day, just make sure happy with  _ another love--- _

**_Read_ **

Too late.

_ I wanna sing a song, that'd be just ours, But I sang 'em all to another heart. _

_ -fin _

  
  



End file.
